Mind Over Matter

I really don't know if I can handle all of this. I'm stressed from school and I'm missing Mike terribly. It feels almost too hard to cope with because as i said before: I feel like I'm dating someone invisible. He calls when he can but other than that, I'm on my own. I can't tell him what I'm feeling because I'm scared that I'm going to bring him down. I've attempted sharing my feelings but he usually tells me to suck it up.

I know I'm not going through what he is going through. We have different lives and the levels of everyday stress are different. Right now I just don't know if I am strong enough to handle this kind of lonliness. No matter what I do though, I'm still going to be alone. There is no getting around it. My friends have all left for college and I am stuck here, living at home with little to no friends.

As you can see, college is also wearing me down. I just feel like I'm missing out on a real college experience.

I don't know what it is about me always wanting a companion. I need just one person to listen and give me attention. I don't have that anymore and I'm scared that if that attention comes from someone out of the blue, I won't be able stop myself from accepting it. I feel sad, and so so tired. I've been trying to catch up on some sleep but my body is just wearing down. Tomorrow I have a full day of photography, children portraits for Dillards.

I hope things start to look up, until then I'm losing faith and strength. It's only been about a month and I'm feeling this way. I can only wonder what I'm going to feel like later on. A year is a long time....