It's Only Life

I want to be faithful. I want to be strong for him. I need to put my priorities in order. It's so hard with him gone, though I'm starting to find my friends again. I have people to keep me occupied but I can never cross those lines. My mom said not to put my life on hold but I made a promise to Mike that I would be here when he comes home.

I'm very mischievous when my best friend is around. We dare eachother to do things just for fun. Sometimes they can get out of hand and leaves me feeling like I'm not faithful. I just want to be a better girlfriend. Mike is going through so much and will be going through so much more. I feel so selfish and dirty when I hang out with friends. I'm trying to trust myself. Mike is fighting to keep my right to relax and drink starbucks and cause trouble. I don't want to take advantage of him by doing all of the things that I do. I'm sorry if this all sounds random, these are just my thoughts right now. I miss him... If he were home everything would be all straightened out and I wouldn't be feeling all of these things. He would be holding me now and nothing would be wrong with me.

Perhaps its that I can't be alone for very long. I always need a companion or someone with me to share experiences. I love that my best friend is here but she's leaving in a week. The friends that are left with me; they either won't call or they are bad news. I need a friend base and family doesn't count. Maybe work will get my mind off of these things, but I can't run away from my problems forever.